"If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." ~ The Lord to Cain
The desire to sin was only waiting for opportunity. It was crouching at the door of my heart just bidding it time. The seed had already sprouted and the battle began in earnest. My thoughts had become entwined with justifications for the soul-deep urge to commit evil. My mind wrestled with the Spirit in a way it never had. I had almost deceived myself into thinking that I was doing what God wanted me to do. Almost. He shouted through the Logos that what I had been planning and longing for was sin. The Spirit of truth never lies. It's like being told not to eat something because it will kill you and spitefully taking a huge bite.
I began to be troubled and couldn't sleep. I was consumed by conflict to the point of despair. I found myself on the edge of the black abyss of depression. A hole I hadn't thrown myself into since Jesus had rescued me from it. All joy and peace had fled. I consoled myself with the thought that no sin had actually occurred. It had all been in my thought process. All in my head, so to speak! It startled me to realize that the only reason it had not taken root was because God had kept it from happening as an answer to prayer. The prayers of a confidant for accountability and my plea to never be led into temptation. Jesus himself had taught me to pray! My Spirit rested and my joy returned.
"Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." ~James
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